There isn’t a book that explains all of the steps to get from point A to point Z.
You can’t study or complete homework assignments, quizzes, or tests to become more knowledgeable or feel prepped and ready to tackle this process.
You also can’t circle a date on your calendar weeks, months, or years from now and expect to be fully healed by then.
Any type of life change, especially one as big as a divorce, can be difficult to navigate. Is there a typical post-divorce grieving process? Let’s find out.
The Myth of Typical
Usually when we’re asking about a typical process, we’re trying to prepare ourselves for what’s to come. That’s totally understandable. Who wouldn’t want to know what is coming, and be ready for it?
Unfortunately, there’s no way to know specifically what is ahead. Every relationship is unique and there are so many different circumstances that lead to a divorce, it’s impossible for me to imagine a “typical.”
A marriage that ended because someone cheated is going to be different from one where people grew apart. Recovering from a nasty divorce process is different from one where everyone was agreeable and the separation happened quickly.
Additionally, thinking there is a “typical” process can mess with you if you don’t go through that process as outlined. If you believe there’s a typical and you prepare for it, but your situation is different it can be a huge shock. And worst of all, you might start criticizing yourself for not following “the process” and then you’re adding layers of suffering to an already difficult process.
Embrace Your Unique Process
So there’s no way around it – your process is going to be unique.
That doesn’t mean you can’t be prepared. It just means you have to prepare for it to show up however it does. Your process will have to involve frequently checking in with yourself to identify what you’re currently dealing with, and what you need to move forward.
If you let yourself be where you are in the process, face what needs to be faced and get help when you need help, you’ll make it through.
How to Overcome Grief
If you or someone you love is going through the grieving process, you aren’t alone. Everyone will experience a type of grief throughout their lifetime, even if it’s not directly related to a divorce. The grieving process takes time. Coping strategies can be a great way to help you get through your grief and move forward again.
Here are a few of the different coping strategies that you can try out to see what works best for you:
- Be kind to yourself
- Go for a walk outside
- Talk with a friend or family member you trust
- Write in a journal
- Practice mindfulness meditation
- Do a breathing exercise
Even if it feels like you’re alone, additional support is there for you. You can lean on loved ones during this time to be a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or to provide advice. If you’re still struggling, seeking additional support from a divorce recovery therapist may be exactly what you need to move forward in your life again. Reach out today to set up a consultation.