Your friends threw you a party after it happened. They were excited for you. A new chapter. Your own bachelor pad all over again. Single and ready to mingle.
Your friends talked you up. You always have the time of your life when you’re with them despite the circumstances at hand. But as soon as your last friend leaves, your smile fades just as quickly as the door shuts.
The walls are empty and bare. There aren’t smiling faces in any of your picture frames. Your new home feels empty, bare, and lonely. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same. You didn’t picture this life for yourself. You never could’ve seen this coming in a million years. But you’d never actually admit that to your family or friends.
Here’s how depression after divorce affects men differently.
Women Are More Likely to Deal with Their Emotions
Depression after divorce can affect men differently compared to women because men tend to bury their true thoughts, feelings, and emotions deep down inside of themselves. We’ve been trained to do this most of our lives.
Women are more likely lean on their friends or family members to talk to. Men tend to use our friends as a distraction. Instead of actually dealing with all of these pent-up emotions, we bury them hoping to never have to admit to or acknowledge them.
Men Turn Towards Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
When men are in stress, we tend to turn to short-term fixes instead of long-term solutions. Instead of getting long-term sustainable solutions to our problems, we tend to make poor decisions that can affect our overall mental health and wellness.
Women are more likely to seek help and support through an outside third party. A lot of the time, men turn to our partners for support. When that partnership ends with a divorce, we no longer feel like we have someone to turn to or to lean on during hard times.
Due to this, men are more likely to self-medicate with substances like drugs and alcohol compared to women. These decisions can lead to worsening signs and symptoms like anxiety, depression, substance use and abuse, and suicidal ideation or attempts.
Men Jump Into New Relationships at a Faster Pace
Women typically take their time before jumping into a new relationship, especially after a break-up and especially after a divorce. Men, on the other hand, may rush into a new relationship as a way to avoid focusing on how we really feel about the divorce. Because we’re not really dealing with our thoughts or feelings properly, these actions can form more unhealthy relationship patterns.
Plus, we may be carrying all of our past feelings into our new relationship without even realizing it. This can be a lot for them to carry as well as for their new partner to carry.
I wish I wasn’t describing my own past decisions here, but I am.
Next Steps
If you’re going through a divorce, you’re not alone—despite what your body and brain may be trying to convince you. Depression can bring on different feelings for everyone. There isn’t a right or wrong way to grieve after a divorce.
You may have initially felt relieved after you and your former partner decided on a divorce. After some time, the signs and symptoms of depression may have set in. Any type of change is hard, especially one that’s as big of a change as going through a divorce. No matter your gender identity, divorce is hard for everyone.
If you’re struggling with signs of depression, it’s important to seek the support you need as soon as you can. Your depression didn’t form overnight, which means the healing process will take some time. A depression therapist who knows about men’s struggles after divorce can help you on your path toward healing. Reach out to us today to set up a consultation.