It’s like there’s an invisible string connected to you. No matter how many times you walk away, you always seem to find your way back.
It’s like the velcro glove and ball you used to play with when you were younger. No matter how hard you threw that ball, it stuck onto that Velcro glove. At times, it was even hard to remove it.
It’s like you’re the ball. You can’t seem to break free no matter how much pain is caused to you. You’re unable to fully remove yourself from that situation. This is called attachment trauma.
Let’s learn more about what attachment trauma exactly is and what causes it.
What Is Attachment Trauma?
Attachment trauma is a type of trauma that can occur between a child and their parent or primary caregiver. This trauma typically happens when there’s a breakage in the bond between the child and their primary caregiver. Trauma can form when a child doesn’t feel safe or supported by their primary caregiver.
The Attachment Styles
The attachment theory describes the different types of attachments that can occur between a child and their parent or primary caregiver. The type of attachment that forms is dependent on the relationship that a child forms with their caregiver. The four different types of attachment styles are avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, disorganized attachment, and secure attachment.
Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant attachment is the first type of insecure attachment. This type of attachment forms when a child can’t depend on or rely on their primary caregiver. When this type of attachment style occurs, the child typically becomes detached and avoids getting close to others as a coping mechanism.
Anxious Attachment
The second type of insecure attachment is anxious attachment. This type of attachment occurs when a parent or primary caregiver tends to be inconsistent with their type of care. As a result, the child doesn’t know when they’re going to see their caregiver next, eat next, or be cared for. This can leave them feeling anxious and they can even develop feelings of anxiety when they’re separated from their primary caregiver.
Disorganized Attachment
Disorganized attachment is the third and final type of insecure attachment. This type of attachment style forms when a child is raised in an environment that tends to be unpredictable. Disorganized attachment is a mixture of the other two insecure attachment styles: avoidant attachment and anxious attachment. Disorganized attachment can be formed as a result of caregivers who are abusive or use substances.
Secure Attachment
The only secure type of attachment style out of the four styles is, pretty obviously named, secure attachment. Secure attachment forms when a parent or primary caregiver creates an environment where the child feels cared for, safe, loved, and protected.
The Cause
There isn’t one specific cause of attachment trauma. Any time there is an issue with the bond between a child and their primary caregiver, attachment trauma can occur. There are some of the most common causes of attachment trauma:
- Abandonment
- Death of a loved one
- Divorce
- Emotional abuse
- Mental illness
- Neglect
- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
How to Cope with Attachment Trauma
Attachment trauma takes years to form, which means that it’s not something that you can overcome overnight. Some people need additional support in managing the signs and symptoms that are caused by attachment trauma. You are not defined by your attachment style or the trauma that developed when you were a child. Although it may not seem like it now, healing is possible. Working with a trauma therapist can help you work through those lingering thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Reach out today to set up an initial consultation.